Back home from a week in the hospital, Brad and Dana get an influx of visitors, beginning with his cousin Ashley, who drops in from New England for a day of catch up and great conversation. Next his wombats Dave comes in from Idaho with his family - wife Katie and kids, Georgia and Whit, who fill the house with laughter and joy. Finally, they are surprised by Brad’s cousin Luke, who drops in for a quick, but fun, one night stay.
Corresponding Podcast Episodes: Episode 39: Miracles and Belief Summary: Summary: Wombmate Dave joins Brad, Dana, and Jeremy for a tense and heated discussion on belief and miracles and how we find comfort during this diagnosis. Episode 40: Elephant in the Room: Summary: Brad, Jeremy, and Dave have a late night chat about a topic no one wants to bring up: time.
0 Comments
Dana's family comes to Detroit to spend the Thanksgiving weekend with her and Brad. Unfortunately, by the end of the week, Brad's back pain is unbearable and he is unable to move without being in excruciating pain, prompting a trip back to St. Joe's. After an additional CT scan, we learned that Brad's cancer has progressed. Past treatment options are now off the table and Brad must start radiation to his spine immediately. While in the hospital, they finalize his next treatment step, which will be the drug, Cabozantinib (which can be taken orally at home). Needless to say, t's been a tough week in the hospital, with emotions flying.
Corresponding Podcast Episodes: Episode 33: Thanksgiving for Real Summary: Brad, Dana, and Jeremy are joined by Dana’s family for a very real post-Thanksgiving discussion about this diagnosis and how different family members deal based on their own individual experiences. In this episode, Margo and Thomas return, in addition to Jeremy's wife Meredith, Dana's aunt, Denise, and Dana's youngest sister, Stephanie. Episode 34: 3:33am Summary: Summary: Brad and Dana end up in the ER yet again and are shocked by the reality of their situation. Episode 35: Dana and JDP in Room 581 Summary: Jeremy and Dana talk about the “what’s next” after Brad’s unexpected progression and impromptu trip to the hospital. Episode 36: Mortality Summary: Brad addresses his mortality with Dana and Jeremy in this emotional episode. Episode 37: Progression Summary: As Brad’s entire treatment process radically shifts, he talks with Dana and Jeremy about the newest updates as well as reflects on past decisions. Episode 38: Frost Cousins Summary: Brad’s cousin Courtney stops by the hospital on her cross country road trip back home to Montana. They reminisce about growing up in the Frost clan. The Guardian (44 million readers per month!) published Brad's article on addressing his deepest fears to maximize meaning & purpose in life. It's beautifully written, raw, and honest - confronting not just this fight with cancer, but his own personal struggle with alcohol as well.
Our recovery time at home gets interrupted with yet another unexpected trip to the ER followed by a trip back to the Cleveland Clinic to learn more about the pathology report. This brings up a range of emotions as family leaves, life continues, and so much is still up in the air.
Corresponding Podcast Episodes: Episode 26: 4:45am Summary: After an unexpected trip to the ER and a night in the hospital, Dana does an early morning recap. Location: Henry Ford Hospital Episode 27: Four Tuesdays Summary: Brad and Dana return from their 4th hospital visit in as many weeks and confront the reality of his diagnosis and the fear that comes with it. Location: The Frost Loft Episode 28: Mom Leaves Summary: As Brad’s Mom and Stepdad prepare to leave, Brad and Dana anticipate life without family visiting and attempt to figure out the “new normal” post diagnosis. Brad also confronts his own feelings as he is unable to be fully present in the lives of those he cares for. Location: The Frost Loft Episode 29: Post Election Summary: Brad, Dana, and Jeremy (mostly Dana and Jeremy) get a little heated and switch gears to talk about their shock in regards to Donald Trump winning the presidency. Location: The Frost Loft Episode 30: Unclear Pathology Summary: Brad and Dana are back at Cleveland Clinic for the follow up with the surgeon and to meet the oncologist and go over the next treatment steps Location: Cleveland Clinic Episode 31: Clear Cell News Summary: Brad, Dana, and Jeremy are joined by their friend Michelle to talk about the results of the final pathology report. Location: The Frost Loft Episode 32: Hope vs. Process Summary: Michelle joins Brad, Dana, and Jeremy to talk about the role of research and how far down the rabbit hole to go. Location: The Frost Loft After Surgery, Brad and Dana head back home to Detroit, joined by Margo, Thomas and Miles, as well as Marsie and Bradley. The main focus is Brad's recovery (involving lots of sleeping), researching future treatment options, and podcasting our thoughts.
Corresponding Podcast Episodes: Episode 21: Coming Home Summary: Back home after surgery, Brad, Dana, and Margo recap the last few days post surgery and discuss some of the challenges Brad has faced in his early days of recovery. Location: The Frost Loft, Detroit Episode 22: Complete Treatment Summary: Dana and Margo talk with Brad about his idea of a complete treatment plan - including medicine, nutrition, and lifestyle choices. They also discuss the difficulties of being “doctored” by loved ones, no matter how good the intentions are. Location: The Frost Loft, Detroit Episode 23: Sisters Summary: Brad and Dana go deep with Dana’s sister Margo. Among other things, they address their fears with the diagnosis as well as how they handle those fears. Location: The Frost Loft, Detroit Episode 24: The Funk Summary: 10 days after surgery, Brad and Dana chat with Jeremy about being in a funk with the recovery progress and some of the challenges of dealing with the unknown side effects. Location: The Frost Loft, Detroit Episode 25: An Evening With Brad and Jeremy Summary: Brad and Jeremy talk decisions, commitments, and relationships (both theirs and others) in the face of cancer. Location: The Frost Loft, Detroit Brad makes the decision to move forward with surgery at Cleveland Clinic. Him and Dana are joined in Ohio by Brad's mom, Marsie & stepdad, Bradley, as well as Dana's sister Margo, her husband Thomas, and their baby, Miles.
Corresponding podcast episodes: Episode 11: Mom Part 1 Summary: Brad’s Mom, Marsie Frost Parker (and Brad’s Stepdad Bradley Parker) joins them in Cleveland the night before pre-ops. Together, they share about Dana and Mom’s roles and the experience over the last few weeks. Location: Intercontinental Hotel - Cleveland Clinic Episode 12: Mom Part 2: Parenting & Protection Summary: Marsie opens up more about her life & role as a mom with Brad and Dana the night before surgery. Location: Intercontinental Hotel - Cleveland Clinic Episode 13: Mom Part 3: High/Low Summary: The night before Brad’s surgery, Brad, Dana and Marsie discuss their high and low moments since learning of Brad’s cancer diagnosis. Location: Intercontinental Hotel - Cleveland Clinic Episode 14: Room M21-15 Summary: Brad and Dana - joined by Dana’s sister, Margo and her husband, Thomas - make jokes in the pre-op room before Brad goes in for surgery. Location: Cleveland Clinic, Pre-op Room M21-15 Episode 15: Waiting Room Game Summary: Late night after Brad’s surgery, Dana and Margo do a short recap of the day, including the waiting period and the results of the surgery. Location: In the Car Between Cleveland Clinic and the Hotel Episode 16: Best Friend Summary: Jeremy contemplates if there’s a right way to be a best friend. Location: Detroit Episode 17: Brad's Post Surgery Solo Summary: Exhausted, Brad opens up about his fears post surgery Location: Cleveland Clinic Episode 18: Room G90-18: Day 1 After Surgery Summary: From Brad’s hospital room the day after surgery, Dana, Margo, Thomas, along with Marsie and Bradley, recap the events of the previous day as well as the results and side effects of the surgery. Location: Cleveland Clinic Episode 19: B & D With Margo Summary: Brad and Dana go deeper with Margo, including how we cope with this diagnosis. Location: Cleveland Clinic Episode 20: The Religious Question Summary: Marsie and Bradley talk with Brad and Dana about their thoughts - and the role of - religion in their lives and in the face of a cancer diagnosis. Location: Cleveland Clinic This post is copied from Brad's personal blog, The Road Taken, shortly after his diagnosis.
Thursday, October 27 3:54 am. Surgery Day. I’m slowly accreting and storing up saliva in my mouth in order to preserve the 12 ounce fluid maximum I have at my disposal between midnight and 6 am before my surgery this morning to remove my left kidney and the tumor engulfing it, which is causing pressure and persistent pain in my left flank. I have until 6 am to consume those 12 ounces; until 8am to show up at the Cleveland Clinic surgery center and just about 10am or so when I will go under for 4-6 hours whole the doctors before the nephrectomy, which will be combined with removal of my adjacent thrombus – which is where the tumor has a slight blood clot formed in my renal vein, nearby inflamed lymph nodes, and the left adrenal gland. That last bit was news to us yesterday as no one had mentioned it thus far – we raised questions, it is apparently the area most likely to become the next “host” for a major tumor, so it’s a preemptive cautionary measure. The problem with this strategy on the fluids is I’m also pacing the room for the pill I want, it’s been ten mins and I have both a dry throat and a mouth full of saliva. Basically, I’ve misplaced the pill *(again), writing is more urgent, and I’m trying to keep a brave face for everyone. Pace. Pace. Pace. The pills were literally in the vest coat of the chair I’m sitting in. *Historically, my biggest blind spot is literally what is staring me right in the eye. A favorite childhood story includes me frantically running through turning over every pillow, blanket and nook of our house as we were all gearing up to play basketball. 8 mins – 15 mins – 21 mins passes and I finally emerge in the driveway, still totally flustered and Dave goes, “Dude, what are you doing?” I raise my hands in the air and pump my firsts, “Where the hell are my shoes!?” “You’re kidding, right?” “No!” “Brad, look in your fucking hands.” Then, just three days ago on Monday, after the Cleveland Clinic called to schedule the surgery this morning, we were gearing up with my sister, brother-in-law, Dana and our nieces to go outside to take pictures and play pogo stick. We’re just about to leave and I say, “Wait, I need to go find something,” and allow at least 30 second to expire before I look in my left hand and laugh out laud – I was looking for my phone. My back is in a lot of pain. The doctors are all very optimistic that the surgery will reduce the pain and make day-to-day life more manageable. That’s good, because yesterday I found myself shaving the likely IV line areas because I think the two hair rips thus far have been utterly excruciating – pointing out I’m not exactly made for this stuff. Who is? I’m trying so hard to get it all in before surgery. Podcast. Blogpost. Words of love and encouragement. We published the podcast (imperfectly) last night finally … I’ve been busting my ass to get it up and running. I’m just really proud of it – the honesty, devotion and love we all bring to the table. I’ve felt super energized working on it and think it’s been incredible therapeutic thus far. If you haven’t, please check it out. We know we’re still very much in amateur mode with the mics, RSS feed, etc., but that’s ok. Getting the content out in this case is much more important. So, I have 12 ounces to consume. I just made a Starbucks run. Parched, wanting both caffeine and soda water, I got the clever idea and asked how many ounces in an espresso. After two blank stares, I somewhat cuttingly said, “you guys know where you work, right?” Then one barista confidently announced, “1.98 ounces”. I ordered a double. Bought a 16 ounce Peligrino, a cup of ice and emptied precisely half of it. We’re in business. The last two nights, Mom joined us with Bradley, which is really important. I’ve now seen all of my immediate family members and spoken with all of Dana’s. Having them close to us, the diagnosis process, and the treatment plan is key to my success moving forward. Perhaps hard to believe, but so much of our time the last two weeks has been devoted to surfacing tension, fear, areas of concern and conflict. At one point, my own fear and insecurity let to a very intense exchange between me, Dave and Dana. It was about diet choices and maximizing my chances to live. It was about whether or not I was “fully committed to healing” or to “treatment” or to whatever it will take for us all to succeed. And, because of Dana’s history with Hodgkins and her decision to try a different treatment path when it first showed up, I’d built a very deep well of conflicting or at least challenging sentiments about how debating treatment options or engaging in what I believe is a completely useless fight between “conventional” and “holistic” medicine philosophies. Or, that any micro-decision anyone of us makes along the path to have a sugary snack, an alcoholic drink or whatever indulgence give you the basic feeling of being alive in the moment somehow either a) caused the cancer to form at the moment it did or b) will cause it to recede or progress. I think that’s bullshit. Now, if I’m abusing those things, or jumping in front of buses, by all means, I warrant a challenge. But, to me, enjoying indulgences – like food or skydiving (not as fun as I thought it would be) or simply not ‘being productive’ are good for the soul. So, I’m trying to move forward with a new framework for how my cancer will be addressed; I call it simply complete treatment. To me, complete treatment fully owns this fight against stage IV cancer. I will only win and live out with dignity and fullness if the first and most important part of my treatment plan is embracing all of these elements, and placing overwhelming focus on the first and most important dimension: relationships. Complete treatment means time and connection to my dearest and closest relationships; on having deep, challenging, loving and enriching conversations together about our lives, current events and philosophical questions. On having patient, calm and supportive quiet. Open communication channels. Options to share information, challenge each other – yes, even me. In involves this very ‘bursting out’ creatively in my day to day, living courageously with this blog, our podcast project, and other writing priorities I have. On contributing to my community, whether I’m officially “working” or not. Complete treatment places in close proximity evidenced based medicine. On finding the best practitioners in the country to support my case. On understanding the challenging and never easy decisions between treatments that have highly variable success rates at extending life or improving health outcomes. It involves being an empowered patient, willing to ask for what I want and need, and turn down things I don’t. It involves consulting many experts; and knowing these extraordinary doctors have blind spots, biases, and are capable of unintentional mistakes. So, don’t automatically defer to every doctor recommendation. Engage. Use the evidence available. Use the experts to your every possible advantage. Complete treatment requires healthy habits; good nutritious food; and embracing the suite of tools and therapies that can make me feel rested, peaceful, nourished and engaged in all facets of life. Maybe I won’t take to acupuncture, but I’m going to try it. Maybe Chinese herbs are a good idea; maybe not. But, we’ll ask an expert and see what they say (the recent expert we consulted recommended against it at this stage). It involves physicality – golf (please!), yoga, long walks, running and weights if I can muster it. These items may not alone ‘cause’ or produce and evidence based outcomes for my cancer, but I don’t care about that: I care that they are part of complete and systemic approach to my care. Complete treatment requires humor, grace, humility and gratitude. Hell, it may even include brevity at some point. It’s 7:28 am … I need to walk to the surgery center in 17 mins, and have to shower and hold Dana’s hand. Complete treatment also means knowing when to stop, get off your soapbox and go back to loving first. Wish me luck today. Catch you on the flip side. Following the diagnosis back at home, Brad and Dana are visited by Brad's sister Lindsey, her husband Bill, and their two daughters, Eliza and Lily. While together, they dissect the news and impact of the diagnosis as well as make some critical decisions for the next steps.
Corresponding podcast episodes: Episode 8: Brad's Sister Lindsey Comes to Town Summary: Brad and his older sister, Lindsey catch up. They talk about “things that need to be said.” Location: The Frost Loft Episode 9: Surgery Decision Summary: Brad, Dana, Lindsey and Bill Dowling (Lindsey’s husband & Brad’s brother in law) learn the surgery recommendation from the Cleveland Clinic. Location: The Frost loft Episode 10: Dana Reflects on Being the Spouse Summary: A cancer survivor herself, Dana’s process and Brad’s differs. She is trying to figure out just how to go about this situation. Location: Tucked in a corner Episode 7: Should A Friend Treat You?
Summary: Brad, Dana and Jeremy discuss one of Brad’s best friend’s who is an expert urology surgeon, and how to weigh his role in Brad’s treatment path moving forward. Josh has already accelerated Brad’s care, including connecting him for an expert second opinion at the Cleveland Clinic. We explore the challenge/benefits of having a close friend involved, especially given the urgency of Brad’s surgery. Location: The Frost Loft Brad and Dana leave the hospital and enjoy time back at home, where they are joined by Brad's twin, Dave.
Corresponding Podcast Episodes: Episode 2: Who is This Podcast For? Summary: Brad’s twin brother & wombmate, David Frost joins for the next 4 episodes after flying across the country from Idaho. In this episode, we give some context on the podcast, its origins and purpose. Location: The Frost Loft Episode 3: Who is Dave? Who is Brad? Early Turning Points. Summary: Dave and Brad share some more background about how they got into their respective fields, and what key moments in their teenage/collegiate years really propelled them to live how they do every day. Jeremy and Dana indulge them, as usual. Location: The Frost Loft Episode 4: Control & The Lifestyle Debate Summary: Over two conversations, Dave, Brad and Dana reflect on a conflict they have had regarding Brad’s upcoming treatment decisions. This segment covers the control issues we all struggle with when dealing with cancer and people we love. In the second segment, Jeremy joins the fray, genuinely unable to even fathom that the fight is between the people closest to Brad. Together, the group covers issues of judgment, fear, and what systemic vs micro-decisions we can and can’t control moving forward as we all try to maximize Brad’s treatment path. Location: The Frost Loft Episode 5: Early Retirement Summary: Early retirement with Brad, Dana, Jeremy and Dave. In this episode we talk about identity as it relates to your professional career. We discuss the possibility that Brad may not work again and how you fill your days with meaning and fulfillment outside of a 9-5. Location: The Frost Loft Episode 6: All Too Soon Summary: With Dave and Dana, Brad recounts a jarring and scary night after an urgent ER visit. We share our fears. And our love. Location: Frost Loft |